


please let me wonder

by transangelic



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Canon Asexual Character, Jane Prentiss description, Kissing, M/M, Martin Blackwood Has ADHD, Martin POV, Mention of sensory overload, RSD Martin, Trans Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Trans Martin Blackwood, Yearning, only for like a paragraph, s1 jon was a dick and i will write him accordingly, season one, wouldnt be a transangelic fic w/out those bby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26508826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transangelic/pseuds/transangelic
Summary: It’s two weeks into Martin’s new job, and he's already made himself get a crush on his new boss. Not made, per say. It just kinda happened. It all starts with the tea. Martin decides early on that if Jon doesn’t like him, and it’s obvious Jon doesn't like him, he can at least try to do something towards the matter....aka mid s1 jonmartin angst and food for the martin kinnies w rsd out there
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 5
Kudos: 72





	please let me wonder

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! so heres just a quick short thing i wrote bc i needed to talk abt s1 jonmartin bc,,, what a time.  
> titles from please let me wonder by the beach boys when in doubt use a song title amirite folks   
> anyway thx for reading!

★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★

It’s two weeks into Martin’s new job, and he's already made himself get a crush on his new boss. Not  _ made,  _ per say. It just kinda  _ happened. _

He had gotten used to working in the Institute library. It was calm there, he could make his own schedule, be surrounded with cool old stuff all day, and it was going well. Then suddenly, the head of the institute who  _ never talks to him _ comes up to him one day and tells him to pack his things. Martin remembers the absolute fear he felt at that, thinking everything had gone to shit. Then the man he does not talk to very often gives him a knowing smile, and is taken to the Archives. It was all very weird, but at least it led him to Jon. 

It all starts with the tea. 

Martin decides early on that if Jon doesn’t like him, and it’s obvious Jon doesn't like him, he can at least try to do  _ something  _ towards the matter. The nausea he feels whenever Jon makes a comment towards his work, in person or on the tapes he listens to, is getting overwhelming. He barely eats at work anymore. 

He supposed it’s a bit ironic to always be reminding Jon to eat when he doesn’t even do well on that himself. So, after seeing how Jon reacts at least a bit positively, or, not negatively, to Martin bringing him tea, he decides he will do it till Jon likes him.

He barely reacts most days, a  _ hm  _ or subtle wave of his hand when Martin steps in. Occasionally, maybe when he’s actually gotten a iota of sleep like Martin’s always telling him to, he will actually say  _ Thanks  _ or smile gently. That’s what makes it worth it. A quick loosening of the curtains, a glimpse behind his cold exterior.

It’s what makes Martin keep doing it despite how Tim and Sasha joke about it constantly. Despite the fact that the good days are usually ruined, by overhearing a negative comment about his work, or worse,  _ himself _ , while Jon records his statements. 

Of course, he tries to improve his work as well, but there is not much to be done about that. 

Especially when, in contrast to the tranquilness of the library, working in a small, cramped cubicle with 2 other talkative people is proving to be a bit challenging. Obviously there’s the whole “lying on his CV” thing as well too. But whenever he tells them to quiet down, or shoots them a look without  _ actually  _ meaning to, he feels the tell-tale twists of guilt in his stomach. He honestly loves working with Tim and Sasha. Though, with Sasha and Tim,  _ rationally,  _ he knows to some extent that they dont hate him, he tries to remind himself. 

But with Jon though, it really does feel that way. It’s hard to look Jon in the eyes sometimes, feeling himself brimming over with shame. Plus, he wants to do his best for Jon, but can never focus long enough in this new environment. The lights are too fluorescent, nothing like the warm lighting above ground of the Archives. He tries to listen to music, his go-to Angel Olsen, to block out everything else, but the look Jon gives him when he sees Martin with earbuds in was scorching. 

It would have been a lot easier if Jon wasn’t so goddamn pretty. Endearing, too. It’s terrible, the amount of want Martin feels for him. The way he acts so professional, but isn’t afraid to wear his pride pins pins on his lapels (Ace, Trans and Bi, respectably), sporting them proudly. Those were one of the first things he noticed about Jon. Martin smiled so giddlily when he first saw them for the first time, causing Jon to look  _ incredibly  _ confused. 

He becomes obsessed with the little things. The way he paces back and forth almost manically while recording statements, but looks so calmly when he does it. He’s so odd, but Martin finds himself wanting to know all his little quirks. How he always has a pen or pencil tucked into his long brown hair. Jon’s so frustrating, but he likes him so much. 

And so, he tries to do his best. He tries to focus the best he can on whatever followup Jon assigned him, and keeps on being  _ nice,  _ making tea, and getting food for everyone and trying to feel less useless in the eyes of his coworkers. It’s quite hard, but he is capable. 

And so, when Jon asks him to follow up on the Vittery case, he decides to do just that and more. Martin, more than a bit stubborn, takes the train all the way across town to the apartment mentioned in the statement, and squeezes into the basement. That’s only after he tries the door and looks for other entries for what feels like a fucking hour. He just keeps reminding himself, he has to be useful, has to do his due diligence. Even when he sees Prentiss. 

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The sight of her is sickening. He's happy he doesn’t have Trypophobia or something with the amount of holes covering every inch of her hunched-over body. 

Its dark in the basement, but the quick flash of his phone’s screen before he drops it shows him everything he never wanted to see. Matted, tangled black hair down to her hips, stationary despite the moving, squelching noises coming from her... hive, it seems. A twisted smile is the only thing on her face that he can actually make out. Her teeth, they seem rotted, blackened around the edges. The rest of her face is holes, and he is unaware of what is eye and what is hives. He drops his phone at the sight, and even in this moment mentally curses himself for being useless. Struck by fear and with that  _ thing _ looking at him weirdly, he decides to run. 

He gets on the tube, obsessively checking his surroundings for any sign of maggots, any sense of self preservation forgotten with the amount of fear coursing through his body. He starts running again the second the doors press open at his stop, and doesn't stop until he reaches his flat, and is behind the door. 

He lies awake for a few hours, though that’s nothing new to him. This time it’s just that he keeps on seeing  _ her  _ when he closes his eyes, and he still has so much adrenaline, and he doesnt even have his fucking phone. He tries to read a bit, but can’t get invested in the story. He

couldn’t even attempt writing anything, because his hands are far too shaky. He thinks he falls asleep around 4:00 am, but the hours start to blur together.

★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★

He’s in the archives. Martin’s work never really interests him (but he does it anyway), so he decides to make some tea for the office. Make himself useful, he thinks. 

He goes through the whole routine, practiced hands allowing him to space out as he makes tea for Tim, Sasha, himself, but mainly Jon. It’s always for Jon these days, he thinks. 

He delivers the tea to Tim and Sasha, earning a thumbs up from the both of them, and hesitantly knocks on Jon’s door. (After checking to make sure he wasn’t recording, of course. He's learned his lesson on that one.) Jon’s hunched over his desk like usual, in a way that  _ cannot  _ be comfortable for him. 

“Er- Knock, Knock!” He says as he steps through the door. Jon goes halfway into the ceiling at the sound, of course.

“What is it?” He says it with the usual edge in his voice that Martin still finds himself unable to get used to. 

“I- I brought you some tea!” and as he says this, stepping forward to Jon’s desk, he trips. On nothing presumably. Fucking typical, he thinks. Jon startles, but doesn’t exactly move to do anything. Martin doesn’t actually fall to the floor, but the cups he was holding crash and splatter almost comically in light of his situation, and he cringes at the sight, not wanting to look up to Jon.

“Come  _ on,  _ Martin!” Jon practically yells, as Martin fidgets, looking around for a dustpan. 

“I-I I’m sorry, Jon. I didn’t see- well I mean there was nothing there, heh, but I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” he stutters out, silent for a minute, just standing there, Jon looking around abashedly. The tea is drying on the floor and Jon's hand is in his own hair, looking stressed.

“I-.” He sighs. “Martin, I’m sorry. I just-”    
Martin starts to tell him it's alright but before he can, Jon is lunging forward and kissing him, pressing him against the wall behind them. The broken cups lay forgotten on the wooden floor on Jon’s warmly lit, messy office. His hands are in Jon’s hair, and he finally apologized and Martin feels  _ good _ for a second of his life. His nausea forgotten, his purpose in this moment just to kiss Jon. They stay like that for a few minutes, occasionally pulling back for air to laugh surprisedly at each other, like both of them are in awe of each other. And then, he hears knocking on the door and-

He wakes up. 

The knocking on his door is Prentiss. He feels his stomach twist with guilt at the thought of thinking of Jon like that, and with fear at the wriggling noises he hears right outside his door. 

★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★☆☆★   
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> martin hey buddy just wait like...5 more years youll get there ok 
> 
> thanks for reading! kudos and comments are very much appreciated!  
> you can find me on tumblr @anarchavist come talk to me abt martin <3


End file.
